Should I or shouldn’t I

That is a big question in front of me. Few months ago, I was looking the websites of few universities in and around New York area for Madhuri, my niece, to pursue her Masters degree in IT or any relevant field. Around that time I have been registered at New York University (NYU) continuing education program – Developing Apps for Iphone and Ipad. So I looked at NYU website too and I found few Masters program at its continuing education website. Of course I found few programs in IT, but the one that draws my particular attention was Masters program in Accounts and Finance and I really gave a serious thought about it.

I wanted to pursue another Masters in a completely unfamiliar domain. My only strength(s) is/are – I am good in Math; good at logic and reasoning and of course very hard-working. Actually I have a passion for Arithmetic and I am very thankful and indebted to my father who had laid a good foundation in my Math skills. Another thought that was creeping all over me was –  Do I really need this at this stage of my life? Actually I am involved extensively with voluntary programs – teaching Math and English to GED and SAT students. I attend to this activity after my working hours (from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. – Monday to Thursday) and two hours on Saturday. So if I get serious about another Masters program, I may not be able to involve in my extra activities which really give me a lot of pleasure – it is a kind of stress buster to me. I really do not want to spend either money or time on myself.

When I was in this dilemma, something caught my attention from Guravayanam book. Following is an excerpt.

Then I had to rethink and thought this was the answer from God and let it go. Few days ago, I have been discussing the same thought with Unnati, my niece, whom I could claim as my own and who is very very close to my heart. I was casually mentioning it to her by saying – “I am not looking for any career opportunities with this one, is it worth to spend so much money on me at this point of my life?”

She immediately said dabbaem chesukuntam aunty – డబ్బులేమి చేసుకుంటాం ఆంటీ. I really loved the way she expressed it. Not that she does not know what we could do with money, but I really admire her way of thinking – what is much better way than to spend money on education. She reminds me of my husband. He never had a second thought whenever I wanted to go for any educational training. I had done many continuing education courses in IT. He never even thought about how much any course costs.

I always wanted to do Ph.D in the IT field. My husband had given me the green signal but only on one condition that I should not take it as a life and death issue. I had a very bad habit of doing that even when I attend a continuing education course – I would not or could not be satisfied with myself if I am not in the top few in the class.

Today suddenly I checked City University of New York website to check for the Ph.D program, AGAIN, YES. My dad loved medical profession and wanted to see me as a doctor. Of course my dad’s dream was fulfilled by five of his eight children. My eldest sister and all my four brothers have become doctors. So I thought may be this way, I could also fulfill his dream.

Anyways, one day by God’s grace if I become a doctor, I would proudly dedicate it to my dad and my husband.

2 thoughts on “Should I or shouldn’t I

  1. Dear Sarada,

    I am pretty sure that whatever you decide to do concerning your education, your parent and your husband will approve and be proud of you. Obtaining a Ph.D in any area of study takes a lot of time and effort but most importantly one most have the ability to pursue it and feel truly passionate about it. Wanting to get a Ph.D for the sake of getting it won’t hold a candle.

    Goodluck with your decision.


  2. I guess I have the time, I can put the effort the program demands, and I guess I have the ability, I just got stuck at the point – do I really need it, should I spend that much time and money on myself – or should I use that time for the benefit of others – these are some of the questions I got stuck with.

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